i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
