I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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