I can text with my tongue
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
