I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
