Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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