i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
