Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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