How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
