So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just pee around me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
