Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
