So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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