Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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