How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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