I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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