Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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