Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
