dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
