All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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