He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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