i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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