btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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