my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want a musical about memes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
