I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
