i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
