i permit you to call me
she woke up with a sticky ear
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
