He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
