I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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