if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
