well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize