Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize