and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
