Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
