Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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