Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
