my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
