Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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