you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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