Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
