i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
