ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
