So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Everything about him screamed your future.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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