I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
