what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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