I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
