I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
