my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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