i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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