I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
