do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
