I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
