she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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