we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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