I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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