Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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