I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
