Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
