3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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