dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
