I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
do nipples grow back?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
