Barsexuality is the new black.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
