I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
