She announced her abortion via fbk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
