I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize