I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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