Can i not drive my cunt home
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
