This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
