This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
