I can tuck mytits in my pants
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
