I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
