i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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