yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
